VDog's Secret Ambition
by DemonicLime
Summary: Ever since Voldmort was 12, he only wanted one thing. It's not what you think!I posted this story back in July, but edited a section of it because I'm writing another story that is based of this, and a part of this didn't fit with it.


Ever since Voldemort was 12 he only wanted one thing. Knowing Voldemort, the most infamous dark wizard of all time, you would think it would be something like becoming ruler of the universe or getting every wizard in England to join the Death Eaters. But what he wanted wasn't even close to that.

Although Luna Lovegood would be the only person to guess something as crazy and far fetched as this, the thing Voldemort wanted was to become a white gangsta rapper.

The truth was Voldemort didn't even like killing people that much (he did just not as much as he made it look like.) He only murdered lots of people to become famous, and if he didn't do that he would have to get famous on his music alone (that meant it would actually have to be good.)

Voldemort's idol was Eminem. He wanted to be a rapper decades before Eminem was born, but Voldemort thought he was the best (and one of the only) white rappers. The fact that Eminem was a muggle didn't even matter. Since Voldemort was consistently running from the Ministry of Magic, he had several houses around the world all covered in Eminem posters from ceiling to floor. Every time Death Eaters would come in his house he would magically blend them into the wall, because he didn't want any of them know his obsession with the rapper or rap.

The one time he shared his secret with two of his Death Eaters, he had to perform the Cruciatus on them to get them to stop laughing. When he actually rapped he had to kill on of the Death Eaters to get the other one to stop laughing.

He rapped to random people on the street though, both his and Eminem's songs. The first time he did this the song was about this girl Anna Öhman who came to Hogwarts from Sweden in for her seventh year. She was a stalker who found out all his plans to become the most powerful wizard in the world. She would visit Hogsmeade and eavesdrop on Voldemort constantly. One time he got so irritated, and wanted to start rapping very badly, so he stood up on a table and rapped for the whole bar.

On a Hogsmeade weekend he stood in the middle of the street and started rapping.

"Anna Öhman you Swedish bitch

Anna Öhman you suck at being a witch

Anna Öhman you geek wannabe

Ya dropped outta Hogwarts cause you got worse than a D

Anna Öhman you really suck

Anna Öhman you've ran out of luck

Anna Öhman yo hair cut's really bad

And hell yo face is just really sad

Yeah yeah go V-Dog go go go V-Dog

Anna Öhman the Swedish school kicked you out

And if I was the headmaster I would without a doubt

Anna Öhman you better get a life

Or I'll stab you with a knife

From Sweden to England you haven't changed a bit

Anna Öhman you still a lil shit"

The result of this was many drunk people falling hard on the floor laughing uncontrollably and Anna pouring her fire whiskey on his head. Unfortunately, not many people remembered this as they were all very drunk. Those who did remember thought it was just an attempt to piss Anna off, which was half right.

Another time he rapped in public was years later when he thought this Muggle girl was hot. He did a few varied lines from Eminem's "Superman."

" I know you want me baby, I think I want you too

I think you love me baby, I think I love too

I'm here to save you girl, come be in Voldy's world"

This got Voldemort slapped so hard his face was the same color as his eyes.

Years after the Anna and Superman raps, Voldemort was going to rap in public again. After he was done he was planning to reveal his true identity and disapparate.

Before he did that he was going to kill the Potters. This loser, Wormtail, was their secret keeper and had nothing better to do with his pathetic life then to tell him where they were. He had killed Lily and James, but when he tried to kill their son Harry, the curse reflected off on him and hit Voldemort. He was not dead, but powerless and without a body.

Instead of getting mad that he had been defeated by a baby, or that he wasn't the most powerful wizard in the world anymore, the first thing Voldemort thought was "No! Know I have to wait even LONGER to become a famous rapper! SHIT!"


End file.
